Monday, December 22, 2008

33 Months

Dear Sophie B.,

I know I'm a little late getting your monthly letter posted this month. Blame in on the fact that when you turned 33 months old, your fat mama was laying pool side in Mexico. But don't think for one second that your daddy and I didn't think of you the ENTIRE time we were gone. We talked about you non-stop. Geesh, I'm sure that the Mexican waiters who spoke almost zero English loved us telling them that we only spoke "Dora the Explorer" Spanish because of our two year old back home.

This past month has been one big build up for Christmas. You are soooo excited. You even like eating "rice Christmas" (rice krispies) cereal because, duh, it's a Christmas cereal. Although I'm not 100% positive that you know what's gonna go down come Christmas morning. You are a big fan of Santa and you've sat on his lap no less than 4 times. It took you awhile to figure out the meaning of "naughty or nice" though. For the longest time when we'd ask you if you had been "naughty or nice" you'd proudly answer "naughty or nice." Yeah, it's not one word ding-a-ling. Finally, you caught on and you now declare that you are "nice." Hmmmm.....I beg to differ. 

There have been times when you been naughty, sassy, ornery, and down right psychotic and vicious. But there have also been times that you are the sweetest, funniest, most loving little girl on the planet. I guess we have to take the good with the bad. 

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas lately now that you are getting a little older and starting to understand. Of course it isn't about ten tons of presents. It's about kindness and love. I think we have shown you love and how to love.  But I have to admit that I'm not exactly sure how to go about making you kind. Of course you are sweet and kind but I worry. For instance, on the way out of Walmart today, the "kind" thing would have been to walk you over to the Salvation Army bucket and let you drop in some money. But instead we zipped on by because it was cold.

Of the many many faults that this here mother of yours has, it's that I'm not the kindest person on the block. In fact, for the most part I can be a selfish turd.  Call it a major human flaw. Your daddy on the other hand is more of a kind soul who would give a stranger the shirt off his back. Your mother would not.  I guess I'm telling you all of this because I want to put it all out there so that you know that I am aware of this part of my character.  And if 20 years from if you find yourself  feeling guilty for telling a homeless dude to "get a job", you can blame it on me.  

So Little Bit, if I can give you anything for Christmas this year, it's not those "Dora presents" that you ask for every day. It's for your mama to be a better person. In the words of Jack Nicholson, "you want to make me be a better person." Right now, however, I'm feeling like Ebenezer's wife.  

Love, your feeling down on herself but ever positive, Mama. 


Jenny said...

Kim I have known you for sometime now and I think that you are a kind person! Of course, I'm not so sure how kind I always am, but don't be too down on yourself. You are doing a great job raising a sweet little girl- you will find a way to make her wonderful and kind in your own way.

Paula said...

I think we all have those when I was having an "discussion" Lydia's daddy on the phone yesterday and Lydia's started yelling in this mean tone..I though, wow, that is how I sound to her..I don't want her to talk to people that way! I am sure we are all doing the best we can.

Anonymous said...

What's up??? You may have been alittle selfish in your youth but becoming a mother has totally changed you. Don't be so hard on yourself. We could all do that to ourselves but all is does is depress the heck out of ya. Sophie has a wonderful heart and will be just fine.

Anna :] said...

You said you weren't sure how to make Sophie kind, but I see the kindness in her at daycare a lot. (believe it or not) When someone cries she always goes over and puts a hand on them or asks whats wrong and tells them their ok. She is very caring of the people around her and does nice things for her kids in the class. :]

Anonymous said...


I've known you for over 10yrs now and you are a very kind person. Yes, you can be meaner than all get out, but more often than not you are always there to help out. Sophie is lucky to have a mom like you.

Merry Christmas.


Anonymous said...

OK Kim - all these other posters on here can tell you how kind you are but I know the real you. I know the you that stuck my head in a cheetos bag...the you that used to try to smother me...that was always tattle-telling on me....Oh wait, it was the other way around, wasn't it?? Ooooopps!!

You know you are a great person, and even though WE are not perfect, you are a great momma raising a beautiful daughter.


Jonathan's Mommy said...

You are too funny! I'm not the kindest person either but Bryan is so I guess we should be thankful we have such great husbands!