Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Ten On Tuesday

1. In less than 2 weeks we'll be heading to the Redneck Riviera for our annual family beach trip. Sophie is PUMPED and asks every day if it's time to load up and go. I'm excited to get away but I'm down about not being able to bake in the sun for hours on end. Sitting in a chair where the surf breaks reading a book is one of life's greatest pleasures. I also worry about leaving Stella. She's not doing well.

2. The 4th of July is coming up this weekend. I am glad that our annual beach trip got pushed back 2 weeks so that we are actually here on the 4th. I always loved watching fireworks as a kidd-o. Now that Sophie is getting older it's easier to do things like that. And to me, no 4th of July is complete without a parade. We usually truck down to the teeny tiny little town my dad and grandma lives and line the streets and wait for the ear piecing sound of fire engines. Last year I think they parade every single emergency vehicle in the whole county. Including jet skis being towed down the road. And then the funeral home hands out ice cream. Is that not weird?!

3. I have a new love and his name is Jack Johnson. And it's my hubby's fault that I have this new love as he listens to him all.the.time. I tried not to give in to his music. But the music and the looks sucked me right in. Soph goes around singing his songs too. Currently, her favorite is Angel.

4. I learned this past weekend that 32 year old women have no business playing beer pong. Although I am quite good at it, it always wins. And I paid an entire Sunday for sinking those little ping pong balls into cups. Thought.I.Would.Die.

5. True Blood. Why it took me so long to get into this show I'll never know. Could be because we don't have HBO. I've read all of the books but I'm only up to episode 3. Stinks because I have to get them from Netflix and I can't watch them instantly.

6. I have officially lost 28 pounds! Took me 4 freaking years but I finally weigh less than my pre-pregnancy weight. And I'm almost to my pre-wedding weight. I figure that if I can't be tan, I'll be skinny. And to borrow from one of my online friends, I'm on a MILF Mission. Is that rude and crude? Sorry but that's the look I'm shooting for. I feel it's a noble look to go for.

7. Sophie wants to try karate again. She tried last summer but she was still too young. It just seems expensive! And I don't know if I want her to be able to break boards. That really puts the odds in her favor when she becomes a teenager and our fights begin.

8. Our new patio is fini! YAY! We haven't really had time to break it in though. We had a few neighbors over a few weeks ago but we didn't get to chill back there very long because of course when you want kids to be out back, they want to be out front. And it has been HOT. Covered patio or not, no one wants to set outside when it's 90 degrees at 8 o'clock. I'll post pictures soon. We just sealed it so now we have to get the furniture back on.

9. I've got to see Eclipse this week even if it means going solo. Would that be too pathetic? Some friends are going tonight at midnight but I'm positive that I would be in worse shape staying up until 3 am watching a movie then going for another round of beer pong!

10. And I'll leave you one from Soph's stint as a flower girl a few weeks ago. I just love it.

Monday, June 28, 2010

4 Years and 3 Months

Dear Little Bit,

I've missed your monthly birthday again. Back on June 16th I really couldn't think of what I wanted to put down. We are now knocking on July's door and it turns out that there is something I would like to write down for prosperity's sake.

You go to school/daycare every day. Back when you were 11 weeks old and it was time for me to go back to work there was never really an instant that I waiver with that decision. Although I loved those 11 weeks that I spent with you, I missed my job, my friends at work, and just simply being out of the house. And I knew that you would fare better by going to day care than you would with me day in and day out. Oh I'm sure you would be versed in every episode of Days of Our Lives and Food Network.

You turned one and we moved day cares. The new one tried to kill you with a peanut butter sandwich. So we switched again and you have been at the same place since you were 14 months old. You turned 2, then 3, then 4. And never did I question the path you were on.

Recently, however, something changed. All around me the signs of summer started rolling in. Public school was out. It was 95 degrees in the beginning of June. I started feeling like a train slowly moving down a track that was gaining speed. And it was a Tuesday evening. Tons of kids were outside playing, you included. You were running as fast as your little feet could carry you. Your hands and feet were filthy dirty. The sun began to set. But I didn't have the heart to tell you to come inside and get a bath and get ready for bed. Why should you have to? Everyone else was outside having fun. But not everyone else has to get up at 6:45 am and go to work with their mom and dad.

So we let you stay up late. And we dealt with your grouchiness the next morning as we went through our morning routine. All day long I had a nagging feeling. Summer kept coming on in full force. Summer activities began starting up. And that nagging feeling grew. And it hit me in the face that although it's not 1950 anymore sometimes the world still operates that way. Sometimes it is assumed that if school is out for summer then parents must get a summer break as well. All kids from 1 to 18 frolic around without a care in the world. Well this isn't Neverland. It's reality. And the reality for you is that while some kids are sleeping til 9 or 10 o'clock you're up and ready for the another day of the same old same old.

I so wanted to sign you up for swimming lesson at a certain pool. A few pools actually. But place after place only offered them during the day. And for some reason, which I'm haven't quite figured out why, this little issue completely sent me over the edge. It burned and gnawed at me from the inside out. And for one of the first times I started having regrets. I regretted taking my transcripts back from the education department and marching them back to the political science department at WVU and then staying on to go to law school. I regretted not marrying a millionaire. HA! Truthfully, I started having this feeling of unfairness and bitterness. All because of swimming? I think maybe the swimming was just the icing on the cake. Sort of sent me over the edge. Running through my head nonstop, was this feeling that you would never truly know what "summer" felt like. You would never have days upon days of nothing to do but wonder what you might do tomorrow. I was angry that because I work my fucking kid wasn't going to lean how to swim. And the minute that thought ran though my head, my head answered back and said "on the bright side, you work so you really your kid won't be going to the pool that much anyway. " Not the answer I was looking for.

I'm not sure how the rest of your childhood summers will start and end. If years from now you look back full of resentment I want you to know that this whole issue did cross my mind. I wasn't ignorant to your plight. And I'm sure this is just one of the many many things that we will do that will totally screw with your head. Hey we try our best. If you are one day sitting in jail and the prosecutor asks you "why you did it?" you can tell him that your childhood was robbed because you didn't get an official summer so now you are full of hate and rage. But what I hope is that you know just how much we love you. We don't love you any less than moms or dads that stay home. Actually, I probably love you more because I do work. Because if I didn't I'd probably been in a loony bin somewhere. And although you might not get to sleep in when you are 5 or 6 or 7, there is more to this world then June, July, and August.

As for swimming. That worked itself out too. And you can swim better than some pansy ass little 6 year olds who spend 8 hours a day pool side. It started out rough. Of all the teenagers and college students on the planet working at pools in the summer you got the one with the history of scaring the crap out of little kids. Those first 2 days you cried your eyes out. You begged me not to take you. You tried escaping from the pool. You yelled at him. And he yelled at you and told you that you were finished with the baby pool and water wings which broke your heart. You would lie and say you had to pee or that your tummy hurt. He didn't baby you. And he wasn't going to let you win. And on day 3 you came out of the pool smiling. And on day 4 you skipped your way to the diving board. And you gave that guy, who not a week before you said was mean jerk, one of your precious silly bandz. A shark. Because he didn't have one and he needed one because he worked in the water. And you wanted to thank him. Thank him for teaching you how to swim in the deep end so you would no longer be left behind. And when you dug in my bag to find it and handed it to him, in that moment you made my heart melt and shit maybe even his. It's probably not every 22 year old who gets gifted a .20 cent plastic bracelet just because he didn't give up on you.

Love Mama