Blazing Saddles

Interesting tidbit about me, I'm DEATHLY allergic to horses. I'm talking my eyes swell up, I break out in hives, and worse, my throat closes up. Nice, huh. So as a result, Little Bit has never been around horses. We'd see them at different events but I could never let her ride b/c I would immediately have to throw her in the shower. 

So this weekend we headed to my aunt's house for my cousin's engagement party and they have horses. And a PONY. And more importantly, a shower! From the minute we got walked in the door, Little Bit wanted to go on a pony ride. And this morning she got her wish:

Meeting Angel. Apparently, in the world of ponies, Angel is the best pony around. Kids come from miles around to learn to ride horses from my aunt and cousin and they all start out on Angel. 

Loving  EVERY minute of it. 

And an even bigger treat...riding a real horse with her cousin Kristen.  She gives riding lessons, it's too bad that we live so far away. 

40 Months

Oh Little Bit. There's no doubt about it, this has been the hardest month for your family since you were born. Losing Oscar the Boxer during your 40th month has been heart wrenching. It's showing us just how the brain of a 3 year, 5 month old little girl works. Talking to you about death and loss has been the hardest, most difficult thing we have faced as parents. I would rather talk to you about where babies come from or how your boy cousin "pees outta dat thing" (your words) a billion times over.

Car rides are usually when you ask your questions. We can be singing and laughing or arguing and then in a flash I see the look in your eye in the rear view mirror change and I know it's coming. I see your lower lip go into a pout. "Why does Oscar have to be gone?" "Mama, I want my puppy to come home?" And even deeper questions. "Does every one's puppy end up in Heaven?"

It's so difficult to answer all of your questions because there is no easy black or white answer. There are times that I wish I could put you in a bubble and insulate you from all the sad and horrible things that happen in this world. Then there are other times that I'd like to tell you that life is shitty, crap happens, and this a notch in the belt of a long list shit that's going to rain down upon you through out your life.

On the other hand, I'm somewhat jealous of how your mind works. That you don't completely understand the "what" and "why" behind things allows you to jump from sadness one minute to pure joy the next. During those times when you are sad and asking questions I know that in a matter of seconds your brain waves will leap over to something else. Lately, whenever we go to some one's house, the first thing you say when someone bends down to talk to you is, "I don't have a puppy dog anymore." Just the way you say it brings pretty much everyone to tears. But a few moments later you're off running around and having a blast.

Through this I've noticed that you feel things on a whole other level. During one car ride where you were being especially sad, I told you that maybe one day you could have a new doggy. But you cried even harder and said that you didn't want a new dog you wanted your dog. I realize now just how grown up and wise you are getting. This can't be fixed by handing you a new Popsicle when you drop one in the dirt.

Little Bit, we love you more than anything in this world. And when your heart breaks ours does as well. I know that the past few weeks have been rough around here. None of us have been in the best of spirits. But we are moving on. Soon "month 40" will be behind us and be a distant memory. I wish that the first full month of summer hadn't be over shadowed by such loss. But my dear, it is what it is. Here's to an upcoming month of good times and memories and hopefully none of the bad.

6 on Tuesday: Beach Edition

1. I'm finally getting around to going through some pics I took at the beach. I didn't take too many. It's a giant pain in the butt to drag a big ole camera down to the beach.  And sometimes, Soph just doesn't feel like getting her pic taken. Case in point:

2. You may not be able to tell from this photo but allow me to explain. This: 

is Sophie B. swimming on her own. Crazy and scary. 

3. Grammy and PapPap.  

4. A view from above. Soph and her buddy Zachary. 

 

5. And a view from the cabinet.  This little game was a finger smasher waiting to happen. But can you get a 3 and 4 year old to understand that? Not so much. So yes, fingers were smashed. 

6. Who wants sundaes! This crew went through a an entire jar of cherries in .3 seconds. 

Who's that kid...

with the Oreo cookie!

How sad is it that Soph had never dunked an Oreo until we went to the beach??? Geesh, I totally dropped the ball on that one. Of course, I try not to buy the damn things. Not because I don't want Little Bit to eat them but because my arse is already 2 axe handles wide. 

We had a busy weekend. Cookout at papa Rocky's house with great great grandma Sue a baby shower, a sleep over at GiGi and Papas, visitors this morning, and a trip to the county fair. Why is it that summer weekend seems to fly by? 

Say....AHHHHHH!

Little Bit's first trip to the dentist was a success. Girlfriend was pumped to meet the dentist. I'm guessing that it's not very often that the dentist gets someone in who's dying to meet him. We  read The Berenstain Bears Goes to the Dentist, 9,000 times before the big day so I think that helped out some (oh yeah, mama, papa, brother and sister bear are new favorites around here). Anywho, she let the dentist do everything. No cavities and she was told that she had super clean teeth. This may be due to the fact that I have been known to sit on her just to get her teeth brushed. 

Of course, when you have a flat screen TV on the ceiling to watch while your at the dentist, it's not so bad. 

Laughter Through Tears

Truvy said it best, "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." So that's what we've been trying to do around here. It's definitely difficult. The tears still come and I'm sure they will for a while to come. But in the meantime, we're trying to laugh. Laugh at all of the things Oscar the Boxer had done. And laugh in general. And these pics make me laugh.

1. Sophie B. being put in timeout at the beach for throwing sand. You may not find it funny and neither does she, but trust me, if you're there it's hilarious. The pouting, oh my the end of the world is coming pouting.

2. Taking pictures of 7 kids is IMPOSSIBLE. We hired a professional this year and it will be a miracle if he managed to get any with all of the kids looking at the camera. 

I like how in this one, Sammi's head looks as though it's gonna pop off her little body. Needless to say, she had had enough by this point.

3. The General Freakin' Lee.  Seriously folks. This is what you see in a  Small Town America Forth of July parade. It came complete with the Dixie horn. 

4.  And finally, is three too young for a tat? I think she pulls it off quite well. 

And in case you can't see if very well, here's an up close shot.

Laughter. The best medicine, right? 

Oscar the Boxer

5 years to the day we brought you home, you were taken away. You were ours before we were even married. Before Sophie B. entered our lives and wrecked havoc on your world it was just us and our dog. Oscar the Boxer. How I loved to hate you. How at 9 months pregnant I came home to find that you had torn through the garbage. How you shredded an entire package of toilet paper and it looked as though a blizzard went through our house.  How you knew just how much you drove me crazy yet you were loyal to a fault. 

 I can remember bringing Sophie home from the hospital and how worried I was over how you would react. Would you be jealous? Mean? Depressed? Then I saw how much you loved her. How you would roll over and let her climb all over you. How you'd lick her from head to toe. How much she loved you. How much I starting loving you because of the way you loved her. 

I would always tell people how much easier my life would be without you. But now that you aren't here I realize just how big of a presence you were in our lives. It's so quite now. It feels as though there is a gaping hole in our family. Your place. Still held open. I walk around and pass your food bowls. Your bed. Your toys. Your collar. Your nose print on the windows. You were in every single part of our home. We can't yet put the bowls away. And I don't know how long your bed will stay at the bottom of our bed. 

I do know that one day this day would come. One day we'd walk into the house and you wouldn't be there. Rather it be because you were so old that you could no longer go up and down the steps or rather it be tragically, I always knew that one day you would no longer be with us. I'm not sure if there is an easier way. 

Time heals everything. I've told my self that countless times and I know that it's true.  But in the meantime, here we sit. Sophie keeps asking if you are coming home. And every time she does tears well up again. Steven looks totally empty. You were without a doubt his Little Buddy. 

You are and will be missed Oscar the Boxer.