It's Actually Tuesday!

1. My house is a wreck! I'm sure everyone across America has a house that is a hot mess right now. New Christmas stuff is strewn everywhere. There's a pink princess bike in my kitchen and a twister game spread out on the living room floor. I hate that she can't break in her bike outside so around the around the house she goes.

2. We've broke in this sucker.

I had one when I was little too. 25 years later and the cakes STILL suck. You would think that could have been perfected over the last 25 years.

3. We love us some board games around here. Santa brought Operation and Guess Who. No matter how many times you play Operation the buzzer still gets you ever time! Guess Who gets a little intense around here!

4. Winter. Over it. I'm thinking spring glorious spring and endless summer! I have already started making spring and summer plans just so I have something to look forward too! It seems as though there are so few precious weekends during the summer months.

5. One of those plans includes a bbq/cornhole tournament at our house this spring! We haven't "officially" broken in our new patio. And I love a good theme as does Steven (NOT) so I'm thinking extra points to the teams who dress alike/crazy. Why to I foresee me as being the only person dressing up?!

6. I now own a scanner. Oh boy! People are in for it! I have tons of pictures of people like this:

Yeah, that's me! What the heck is up with my hair?? Bangs anyone? Why do I have two giant rolls on my shoulders? Why oh why? If you graduated high school in the year 1996 and you are reading this blog, you just might make an appearance! As well as members of the Chi Omega sorority between the years of 1996-2000. Don't worry, I won't post any pictures of anyone doing keg stands. I wouldn't want any one's parents to have a heart attack when they thought they were spending thousands of dollars on a college education!

7. We have been pricing plane tickets to Puerto Rico every single night. At the time we booked our condo we didn't realize that we would be traveling back on Easter Sunday which makes traveling more expensive. It's a tragedy what in order to save hundreds of dollars on airfare we are going to have to stay in Puerto Rico an extra day. I guess the Easter bunny is going to have to go all tropical this year!

8. I'm going back on the wagon with the rest of the world next week. I've been living it large over the past few months and I've gained a lot of the weight that I lost over the summer back. Such a crappy cycle! But in the meantime, I bought a Cheesecake Factory red velvet cheese cake from Sams Club this afternoon. I have a few more days to eat every.single.bit of it!

9. T-Minus less than 3 months til our girl turns 5! No party this year. She says that since her birthday is St. Patrick's eve she wants to spend her birthday making a leprechaun trap and go swimming. So we'll do our best to make the traps of all traps then that Saturday we are grabbing some friends and heading to the Great Wolf Lodge complete with the sweet room with bunk beds!

10. I'm off to watch the mountaineers send Wolfpack packing! Here's hoping that if we lose, we don't wake up with one of those NC State spot lights shining our house courtesy of our neighbors!

On Christmas Eve

Dear Sophia

It's only two o'clock on Christmas Eve. Just looking at you it is seems as though the air around you is vibrating with excitement. I think you woke up this morning with your eyes a little bigger and brighter.

You looked for Chewy the elf for the last time this morning. You asked us if he would hitched a ride back to the North Pole with Santa tonight since he was headed that way anyway. You played all morning with a Little People nativity set. Sheep, camels, shepherds, and dogs were lined up neatly in a perfectly straight line. Each to take a turn to see baby Jesus.

You have fretted over what to feed the reindeer. How can Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen eat when they have to stand BEHIND Rudolph!? They aren't going to be able to put their heads down!? And do we get a ladder and leave the food on the roof or is the porch a okay? Is Santa Claus allergic to nuts? We can't possibly leave him milk because milk can't be left out or it will spoil and the last thing we want is for Santa to be sick when he has to travel the world. You placed a baby doll into a pink graco pack-n-play, draped a blanket over your head and kneeled in front to sing the sweetest version of Away In a Manger that our ears have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

Thank you for bringing the magic of Christmas back into our lives. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to be the creator of traditions. The people behind the scenes bringing it all to life for you. What will you remember from these days? What will you pass on to your own children? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we will continue to do everything we can to give you the most amazing magical childhood imaginable. And we will try not to cuss and scream as we are putting your toys together tonight.

Merry Christmas Little Bit

Love,

your mama and daddy

10 on Tuesday Christmas Edition

I swear I'm lucky if I even take the time to do a post on Tuesdays. It's not like I'm really doinganything that takes up my extra time.

1. So maybe I have mentioned before but I can't remember, anyway, we have NO internets at work. -- Side note, I like using the words internets. It's like people who use the word "walmarts." Some of these people are members of my extended family.

Side note over, back to the lack 0 internet. This sucks more than life itself. In fact, life almost ain't worth living anymore. I will probably go blind and/0r need bifocals within 6 months because I'm reduced to cruising the internet on an iphone. What's that? I could work? Shut yo mouth and leave this website now. So i've been listening to more and more Pandora Radio. Just this week I've realized how much I missed listening to Boyz II Men. Today my obsession became the "Straight No Chaser" station. You know those guys who sing the coolest version of the 12 Days of Christmas. On that same station they play the group Rockapella. Oh you know who they are! "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego!"

2. This past Sunday we had brunch with Santa. So nice! And a big thank you to Katie and her family for inviting us. I couldn't believe that our girl got a little shy when she first saw the big guy in red. But she knew it was do or die and she had one shot to request that PINK bike and a popo stick. Poor kids mean, "pogo stick."

3. Christmas caroling was a huge hit in the neighborhood! Thirteen little kids had a blast freezing their rumps off and running down the street ringing doorbells. One little 2 year old didn't really understand the ringing of doorbells but not going inside to hang out for awhile. Next year we are going to have to practice a little before hand. Rudolph went fairly well. Frosty the Snowman was on the sad side. After singing at 8 or 9 houses we headed to a neighbor's house for hot chocolate and cookies.

4. I'm currently reading "A Prayer for Owen Meany." Has anyone read this book? LOVE it. I have literally laughed out loud.

5. We are dog sitting for the next 10 days for our neighbors. Jett is a four year old border collie. He's so smart. And more importantly, he's not ours! The other people in my house can get their doggy fix and then he can be shipped back home. We definitely aren't in the market for a dog of our own any time soon.

6. "That's what I'm-talkin-about!" Favorite phrase of a certain four year old right now.

7. I didn't get around to sending Christmas cards this year. I had great intentions. I was planning on sending out this:

Actually, that should say "La Familia Carr." But I never got around to printing cards. I didn't get very many Christmas cards this year either. So either we've been blacklisted b/c I haven't sent cards in a few years or others are skipping cards this year too!

8. Bad self timer picture:

Friday we got all dressed up for Steven's work Christmas party. It's the one night of the year that I eat more shrimp than swims in the ocean.

9. I've been itching to go skiing! This is crazy talk. And I know that Steven knows better to believe me when I say that I want to go skiing. I hate skiing and complain the ENTIRE time. Maybe it's just the idea of skiing that I like. Deep down I think I want to stay at a ski lodge and send Soph and Steven out skiing. I'll have soup waiting for them when them come back.

10. Merry Christmas!

Almost 10!

A day late but I say that one day a week is better than nothing!

1. We are having so much fun with Chewy the Elf this year! I wouldn't say that he is in any way shape for form helping with behavior around here but he is fun to look for every morning. The fact that she actually believes that he leaves every night and comes back is proof of just how much fun Christmas is with a kid!

And Chewy is a wild man! Stealing Barbie's jeep and making a mess around the house.

2. On Friday we had our 2nd annual ugly Christmas sweater party! Oh my. I think i had a little too much fun on the karaoke machine that I rented. I'm not one to jump on a karaoke machine at a bar but at my own house, it.was.on. And props to my friend Andrea who sung her heart out equally. We started with 9 to 5 and ended with Summer Nights from Grease. At one point in between I remember rapping to Regulators. I hope everyone had a good time despite having to listen to us sing!

3. Klassy!

Mike is tall and I am short but seriously, he's not that tall and I'm not that short! I guess it's just the rockin' out stance that I've got going on!

4. My plan to round up some neighborhood kids to go Christmas caroling is coming to fruition! We'll be singing door to door next Thursday. Sophie can't wait and is beyond excited to sing to "all of the poor families without any children at home." I call those families lucky!

5. My father in-law underwent a laminectomy and a fusion yesterday. He has a rough road ahead but HOPEFULLY by spring he will be feeling a thousand times better.

6. Did I mention our big trip? The day after tax season and the day before my birthday, the Carr clan is heading to Puerto Rico for 8 glorious days! We rented a condo right near the resort where we were married. That way we have a full kitchen and we can kind of do what we want rather than be stuck at a resort. There is so much we want to do. But the thing I'm most excited about is a day of sailing and snorkeling on the Erin Go Bragh.

7. So we got a real Christmas tree this year. Not digging it! First of all, I hate that you can't put ornaments anywhere you want! Some branches just aren't strong enough to hold heavy ornaments. Then 3 days having our tree up, the trunk started splitting! I'm talking big giant gouge right through the trunk of the tree. If it makes it to the 25th I'll be shocked!

8. New neighbors = huge NC State Fans. We are thinking they might need a WVU flag in their yard!

One of my finer moments- #12928

I'm not sure why I feel the need to post this little jewel. Maybe it's because yesterday my friend mentioned that one year at Thanksgiving her great uncle told her that her green beans tasted like they were cooked in the dishwasher. Bwhahaha!! Ah relatives. And being that tomorrow we are heading to PA to spend Thanksgiving with Steven's family, my brain fired off a memory of one of my finer moments. I have lots of those ;0)

The summer after we were married Steven and I headed down to the beach for our yearly vacation with his family. This was pre Little Bit. We were at that stage where kids were like little gnats that buzz around your head and no matter how hard you smack them away they keep coming back. So there we were with his parents, his sister and maybe her husband and our nephews who were around 3 at the time.

One evening I needed to mail a letter so off I headed to the front desk to track down a stamp. While I chatted it up with the woman at the front desk a scrawny little guy who worked for the condo comes running full speed down the hall towards the front desk waving his walkie talkie and screaming that the hotel was on FIRE! FIRE PEOPLE! The front desk woman got the guy to calm down and he explained that some idiots up on the 5th floor had been lighting fireworks off of their balcony and instead of shooting out into the ocean one firework shot inside the condo and had caught the curtains on FIRE. So there I stand. I watch the woman behind the front desk dial 911. I hear her tell the little peon that the hotel needs evacuated. I see the little peon start running down hall knocking on doors and telling people they need to evacuate. For some reason, however, no one pulls a fire alarm.

Looking back, I think I had an out of body experience. I am scared to death of burning alive but amazingly I some how I kept my shiat together. I calmly walked back to our room. Everyone was out on the balcony watching, you guessed it, fireworks. So I opened the balcony door, and calmly explained that we needed to leave the hotel because it was on FIRE. You would have thought I had asked them to pack their bags because an alien ship was about to arrive any minute to take us to the planet Zorg. What you've never heard of Zorg? Well mount up kids, cause we're going on a trip! The outward body me, the one floating above me watching this scene go down was in shock. How are you gonna look at someone like they have three heads when they are telling you dead pan serious that you are going to be burned alive unless you get your arse up and move it on out? I can remember looking over the balcony and thinking, ok, if they don't get moving, the kids could possibly be tossed into the pool from three stories up. Then a knock came!! The pounding of the door from the little peon who I had seen earlier. Hallelujah, and Ha, they would believe me now! I exited the balcony, opened the door and you'll never believe what he said! Yeah, he said, "we need to evacuate the hotel."

I smiled and I wanted to tell him "thanks for having my back man" except that no one could hear his words! So I did a walk/run back to the balcony. Someone asked who was at the door. Then I got agitated. "THAT was the hotel workers, and guess what, they are telling people to leave." We have to leave."

Again, I get the deer in the headlights look. That's when outward me, the one floating in the air for a birds eye view, zipped back into my body. She had reached her limit. Her tolerance for people and the filter from the brain to her mouth completely shut down. I looked at my father-in law of six months and told him in the most serious calm voice that I had to, and I quote, "Get the FUCK out of the hotel." Side note- I'm guessing that no one in the history of steven's family has anyone cussed anyone out to their face.- And with that people, I turned and walked away. I closed the balcony door, hoping that just maybe the flames would take longer to get through glass, I heard steven say, "what did she say?" I walked through the living room, walked into our bedroom and did a survey of our room. I needed to decide what I wanted to survive and picked up my new coach purse because I didn't want the flames to take it. I opened the door, and left.

I.Was.Mad. As I walked down the hall and outside, I couldn't help but think that this exact scenario probably went down on the titanic. Some poor schmuck watched her ram right into the iceberg and KNEW that she was gonna end up on the bottom of the Atlantic but no one believed him. That poor schmuck probably wasn't allowed on a lifeboat anyway so he was going to die regardless but he maybe could have saved a few rich women and children had they just listened! I'm sure he was frustrated and PISSED. Well I wasn't gonna go down with the ship! I went from mad to raging mad. I started to realize at this point that the FIRE was blown out of proportion. I also realized at this point that I do in fact lack superpowers because as I stood outside looking up at the hotel I tried willing the flames to start shooting out of the top just so I could scream I TOLD YOU SO from the safety of the beach.

But alas there were no flames and the hotel didn't burn to the ground. Eventually I made my way back up to the hotel room. The anger had subsided. And all I said to my new husband, who was busying laughing at the "f" bomb that I had dropped, was that the NEXT time there was a potential life threatening disaster and I catch wind of it, I will warn you once and once only and I'll be sure to buy life insurance on you!

Unfortunately, I think I will ALWAYS have a potty mouth. No matter how hard I try I can't control it. I've had a potty mouth since I was four. I think it's to the point that 30 some years later, it's just who I am and part of me. I don't expect my uncle from Syria not to speak with an accent! So don't expect me to keep it clean! I make my mom cringe. I'll be 90 years old in a nursing home telling the staff off. But I'll try REALLY hard at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow to not ask my father in law "to please pass the god damn turkey!" Unless he doesn't hear me or choose to ignore me!

And a random picture to go with this random post. This was taken at our soccer party. Horrible picture but you get the gist.

Horsin' Around

Little Bit and I had a little girl's trip this weekend. I got my thrills walking through IKEA. I can't WAIT to go back! I was a little overwhelmed. Soph wanted to be checked into the play area while my aunt and I shopped. AWESOME! Every shopping place in America should have a "check your kid in while you shop" option!

Next up, my aunt's house. Where from the minute we walked into the door Sophia wanted to ride a horse. Can we ride Angel? How about now? Now? When? Soon? If given the opportunity I think she could be a totally obsessed horse girl. The same as my cousins. They wore horse sweat shirts. Had horse necklaces. Horse toys. Horse notebooks. Anything you could slap a horse on, you name it, they had it!

I've mentioned before that I am deathly allergic to horses. I'm talking throat closes up, can't breath, allergic! But the way she lights up around them is the cutest thing. My aunt bought her her first pair of real cowgirl boots on Friday. They haven't left her feet since. The girl can shovel horse poop like it's her job. She says that you "have" to take care of them and they obviously can't stand around in poop mom, duh! So true. I say, grow up, marry rich, and pay someone to shovel shiat! So who knows what the future holds. I don't see us EVER owning a horse. Like I said, see the first sentence of this paragraph! Riding lessons aren't cheap either that's for sure. Maybe she can go to "horse camp" at my aunts every summer for her horse fix! She could be a 4th generation Tennessee Walker girl!

Kisses from Junior. Never would you see me getting this close to a 1500 pound animal. And not just because of the allergies, hello, he could kick her too the moon if he wanted! The kid has zero fear.

Got a little freaked out up there by herself. Junior is BIG!

Angel is definitely more her speed. Small and sweet.

10 on Tuesday

1. Discussion on the way home from school:

Me: What should we get Gi for Christmas?

Little Bit: Poop, ha!

Me: Soph that is not nice. You shouldn't say that.

Little Bit: I know what i can do, i can poop in my hand, put it in a box, wrap it up and put a bow on it! Then give it to her and she'll open it and say, "SOPHIE!"

So does poop and 4 year olds go together like peanut butter and jelly?

2. Little Bit and I are taking a little road trip. Tomorrow we are heading to Grammy and PapPaps for the night. Then on to Pittsburgh to meet cousins and my aunt where we are going to hit Ikea. Confession: I have never been inside an Ikea!

After that little jaunt we are heading on up to my aunt's house where Sophie will bee begging to ride horses and I'll be downing benadryl like it's my job!

3. The date is set for the 2nd annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. A karaoke machine has been located and rented. I.Am.Pumped!

4. My big girl gymnastics class has been cancelled. I'm heart broken. Never have I had more fun doing a type of exercise. And as an added bonus to my class I got to hang out with gay men. I didn't realize how much I missed hanging out with gay guys until I started that class. And now it's gone, and now I'm in a depression.

5. We decided not to do gifts or a gift exchange with all of the cousins this year. Instead we are going to do something fun with the 7 of them. Like bowling, or swimming, or bouncing. Such a good idea! Good idea aunt Lawa!

6. Bed time has become a horrendous venture at our house. The problem, napping at school. Although, I have discussed this problem with her teacher all I hear is that her school is a "napping" facility and that they can't make an arrangements for kids who don't need and/or want to nap. Of course the kids don't "have" to nap but they do have to lay quietly on their map. Well of course they are going to fall asleep due to sheer boredom! Makes for long evening here and a grumpy kid in the morning!

7. Saturday is a big day for Miss. Sophia. She's going to have her first sleep-over at a friend's house. And you'll never guess with you. HA! Big surprise, Gracie! And Stephanie is crazy enough to let this go down. Bets on whether or not we get a call at 10:30 pm to pick her up!?

8. I plan on getting a jump start on decorating for Christmas during this time. Sweet!

9. So I'm thinking about rounding up a bunch of neighborhood kids and forcing them to go door to door Christmas caroling. Sounds fab doesn't it? We'll see if I can bribe them into doing it with promises of cookies and hot chocolate. I'm thinking that I might be able to talk these 3 into it!

10. I'm out!

Right now...

Her favorite show is I Dream of Jeannie.

She wants a violin for Christmas.

We told her she can't have a violin because she doesn't know how to play a violin. She insists that she does in fact know how to play a violin.

She is happy that soccer is over. She says that getting a trophy was the best part.

She likes to tell people to "break a leg." She doesn't understand what context to use such a phrase.

She loves to play school.

All of the sudden she loves to color.

The number of hard boiled eggs she can down is disgusting.

She has handled Stella's passing better than I ever dreamed.

All of the sudden she has hit an "I want stage!" If she keeps it up, I'm thinking she can be Veruca Salt for Halloween! I would actually make a good one of these!

She still loves Gracie more than any other four year old on the planet. Next year, when I drop her off on her first day of kindergarten it's going to break my heart that they aren't there together.

Right now she's closer to 5 than 4. I don't want a five year old! 5 is big. But 5 she will be and we've already got big plans for 5.

Halloween Baby!

I don't know why I love Halloween so much. I truly enjoy it more than Christmas. Maybe it's because with holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter you have all of the headaches of "who's house" you are going to and all of the stress of making your rounds. Halloween is just all about fun and lets your creativity fly! The hard part with a kid is steering her away from commercial stuff. It takes a lot of child psychology to convince a four year old that a 50's poodle skirt is more fun than a princess.

Complete with Ebay saddle oxfords!

But one costume isn't enough. Not when there's a great Halloween party just down the street. Family costumes require more thought. So without further, adu...

The Three Amigos!!

Steve Martin as "Lucky Day". Martin "Short" as Ned Nederlander. Chevy Chase, as "Dusty Bottoms."

And you know we won this:

Little Bit thought being an Amigo was cooler than cool. Expecially after I showed her a few clips on youtube. I only wish i would have caught our salute on film! Props to Steven for wearing that get-up! He walked down to the neighbor's house by himself. And you know that EVERYONE just happened to be outside as he strutted his stuff down the street! Bwhahaha! I'm puffy heart PROUD of the fact that I whipped up the three amigos costumes myself. My mom helped me with the ties and cumberbuns and a friend at work helped me to draw on the hat designs. Homemade costumes ROCK!

Now the big question, what to do next year! Only 365 more days to plan!

Soph's Top Ten

Wow! It's about time that I changed things up around here! I don't think Little Bit was even 2 years old in those header pictures! I missed her monthly birthday, again. I really need to make more of an effort to AT LEAST blog once a month around the 16th! Four and a half is a really fun age and I should be documenting more of it. So we don't forget. Steven and I constantly look at her and want to bottle her up just the way she is right now. Speech impediment and all! She's a total handful. She's get by with A LOT from A LOT of people. And she sings. Oh how she sings! The two of us have Broadway performances on a weekly basis. She still makes up songs like she's writing for Celine Dion on crack. If Celine wanted to sing songs about cats in Mexico. And the two of us drive Steven crazy on road trips singing at the tops of our lungs in the car.

As we were trucking up 79 a few weeks ago, I flipped through the ipod attached to my car. It's one strange collection of songs. Anyway, as I flipped through, a little voice in the back seat would pipe up, "oh I like that one!" So without further adu, in no particular order, my child's top 10 iphone songs.

1. Live and Let Die- by Paul Mccartney

Frogs sang this one in Shrek the 3rd, when the king frog daddy died. I'm guessing that's why she's a fan.

2. Leaving on a Jet Plane- John Denver

Classic and folksy. Easy words for a kid to remember. When she sings it sounds like this "weaving, on a jet plane."

3. No Woman No Cry tied with Three Little Birds- Bob Marley

She actually sounds exactly like Bob Marley when she sings. "Every-tangs gonna be alright." And really, shouldn't every four year old know every song from Legends? She'll probably end up selling sea shell necklaces on a beach somewhere anyway.

4. Fox on the Run

Because why not go from listening to a Rastafarian to a blue grass band? Seems perfectly logical to me! And I actually love Bluegrass music. Betcha didn't know that about me!

5. Hail West Virginia

No words, just the Pride of WV playing and us singing the words at full blast. This is a favorite b/c at the end she can scream, "Sock 'em, Bust 'em, that's our Custom. West by GOD Virginia.

6. A Pirate Looks a Forty- Jimmy Buffet

I cringe when he sings "I made enough money to by Miami, but I pissed it away so fast." But I do not believe in censoring songs ever. So we're pissing away in the car.

7. Part of that World- Ariel the Little Mermaid

We sing this one like it's our job. Ariel ain't got nothing on us! We usually say we're "practicing" when this one comes on. Practicing for what i haven't quite figured out.

8. Hard Knock Life tied with Tomorrow- Annie and the Orphans

If I had a dream for her, it would be to play Annie on Broadway. I'd settle for the Alban in St. Albans. HA!

9. Angel- Jack Johnson

Daddy brainwashed her on this one.

10. Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison

Because she's just that. :)

Seesh...what a mix! Wonder what song choice says about a person? Of course it's subject to change like the wind.

And another one from the ole Pumpkin Patch!

Gone Too Soon

It's true that you never know just what exactly a child is going to do. I cringe every time she goes over to someone's house. I'm afraid of what she's going to let fly out of her mouth. Stella left us on Friday. Sooner than what I had imagined but it was time. Actually, the ending was easier than all of the grief and sorrow we had faced over the last 9 months. I had heard that when the time came it would be easier. Over the past nine months though, anytime we thought about the end, we thought about Little Bit. Over and over again I would say, "this wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for Sophie." How many times I said, "how am I going to tell Sophie that yet again, something she loves is gone." I was ready to put her on a plane and send her to Disney World when the time came. Whatever it took, for her not to feel the pain of loss.

And in the end, she kissed Stella on the head that morning, looked her in the eyes and said in that 4 year old voice of hers, the one that can't pronounce her "r's" or her 'th's" very well, and said, "Stella, it's gonna be ok, you are going to get to go to Heaven and play with Oscar, and I'll see you again one day."

And it was ok. And it has been ok. And it will be ok. She misses her, yes. But I've overhead her tell neighbors and family about what happened to her Stella and it's almost with joy in her voice.

Kids are tough. I forget that. All of us forget that. We shelter our kids way too much and turn them into big giant puss-pots and wimps. We think that they can't handle rejection or sadness. Why is that? I was a tough kid. I turned out all right, in my humble opinion. In the beginning I had considered lying to Little Bit about Stella. I'm so glad that I didn't. I want her to to know that life isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Oh how I wish that she hadn't had to loose two pets within a year of each other. But she did. Nothing can change that. She is a tough kid. And when she let a balloon go up in the air in remembrance of her puppy who was with her for too short of an amount of time, it was with a smile on her face and not tears in her eyes. Maybe we can all learn something from a four year old.

Miss Hollywood

I guess it's a gift. One that I certainly don't have. My friend and co-worker, Missy, can throw together the most awesome b-day parties for her girls. Through the years I've helped her out with Wizard of Oz parties, a 50's party, a 30's party, and an unbelievable carnival. She's a sucker for the details. I'm usually the designated photographer, although, I got roped into being a clown at the carnival party. This year, her oldest turned 12 and wanted a smaller party with a Hollywood theme. Once again, it was fabulous. The girl can decorate a table like something out of a magazine. Sophie of course got to so she could hang out with little 5 year old sister, Emmy . Girlfriend TOTALLY got into the Hollywood theme. She was in total heaven being around 12 year old girls. As they were sitting at the table eating and drinking out of champagne glasses with their pinkies in the air, I noticed Sophie hanging on their every world. Occasionally, she would look over at me, giggle and repeat everything that came out of their mouths. "I just think it's fabulous" or "ohmygod, he is sooooo cute."

The Birthday Girl- Miss Harley

A Letter to Miss Stella

Dear Stella,

This is difficult for me. I've never known anyone who was dying. I've never had to make my peace with someone. I have never told anyone goodbye knowing that it just may very well be the last goodbye. I guess I'm lucky in that department. I have lost four great grandparents who were all over the age of 90. I've lost one grandparent. Without warning. I wasn't given the chance to mull over the possibility of him one day not being here. It just happened. There I stood in the middle of Walmart with my cell phone pressed against my ear while the voice on the end of the line told me that my papaw Lonzo was gone. I remember feeling as though time was standing still.

I've lost a pet tragically. We were right there. That incident sent shock waves through my body. It was though I could feel every single atom and molecule in my body tighten and tremble and shatter into a million pieces. I've had my heart broken on more than one occasion. Looking back, those are times you can laugh about. But at the time, I felt as though my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. It's true that time seems to heal all wounds and with time the pain starts to lesson. You never forget but the initial earth shattering feelings become a distant memory filed away in the deep recesses of your brain.

I didn't know that a year ago we would open our hearts to a new love. A new love who was destined to leave this earth sooner rather than later. A new love who had a problem that couldn't be fixed. So if there is one thing that I want you to know, if you were a person with the capability of logical thought and reason, it is that you were never just a "replacement." You see we had this gaping whole in our hearts. We were lonely and sad. We found you. Or maybe you found your way to us. When we saw you for the first time, right then and there, the hole in our hearts healed a tiny bit. As as days went on the pain lessened. That hole would always be there but having you in our lives closed that hole a little and made it smaller. Sort of like a band-aid. Band-aids always come off but you may be left with a beautiful scar so that you don't forget that time in your life. It's when that Band-aid gets ripped off abruptly before everything has had time to heal that the hole becomes bigger. And now you're looking at a much longer recovery.

But you know what is worse? What's worse is having that Band-aid sloooowly ripped off. Miss Stella for the last ten months we've felt the slow tortuous removal of you from our hearts. You're our Band-aid. We fell head over heels for you the minute you came into our lives. And for 10 months all we've done is loved you more and cared for you and hoped that we could keep you a little longer. I knew this day would come. I knew that one day, my phone would ring and we would be told that if you love something it's sometimes best to let it go. For the last ten months "borrowed" time has ran on repeat through my head. From the beginning of this journey, we said that we wouldn't be selfish. That when the time came we would do the right thing. Yesterday was the day that that phone did ring and we found out that we are inching closer to having to make the choice. One final tug on that Band-aid and you would be free and we'd be left standing here. I have no doubts that you will leaving knowing your were loved. I don't doubt that for one second. It makes doing what's best for you easier. If you can call it easy.

You have taught me so much in such a short amount of time. I now know how horrible you can let the word "terminal" ruin your day to day life. I've tried so hard to be the person to enjoy the time we have left. I learned that with this go round, I'm not that person. I can put on a brave front and go through the motions but it's always in the back of my mind. The inevitable. Maybe this whole ordeal has prepared me for something greater. I've actually sat here and said that if given the choice, I'd rather a loved one be taken from me in an instant. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe all of this is a lesson that I will never forget. That it truly is better to have something to love for longer knowing that the end is coming rather than not appreciating what you have and have it gone from your heart in an instant.

I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know the whys. I do know that I'm trying to settle my heart now. I know you aren't leaving today, or tomorrow. But soon. And I feel as though I'm gonna be needed for a little girl who doesn't quite understand any of this. Who I can't quite figure out how to explain why leaving is sometimes better than staying. I'm cynical and a realist. I'm never the person who goes around saying that "everything happens for a reason." I'm more likely to say that "shit happens" and when it starts happening you might want to get out of the way. But you see me and you have our girl to worry about too. So this time, I really can't be that person. Our girl who will always remember who gave her that broken arm. It's her and really you that makes me hold on to the belief that there is something better waiting. And there's a little place in that cynical brain of mine that has to believe that there is a Rainbow Bridge.

Ten on Tuesday Eve

For the life of me I can't understand why I'm slacking so much in the blogging department. I use to puffy heart love blogging. Now it's almost a chore and I can always think of a million other things to do. Anyway, here's a ten list since those are easy to throw together.

1. Back on 9/11 we had our first ever neighborhood block party. Call me corny but I have always wanted to live in a neighborhood that does fun stuff. Since our neighborhood is brand new it seems a little easier meeting people and getting to know neighbors (plus i'm nosy so i'm not letting anyone move on in with out heading on over and introducing myself). So I made it my mission to organize a block party. I had a lot of help getting everything together. And out of 24 families, all but 2 made it. The best part, renting an inflatable for the kids. Those little boogers were occupied the entire time. The rental company throwing in a sno-cone maker for free, even better.

2. And speaking of neighbors, oh how I love hanging out drinking fruity cocktails with some of the women in my hood. We laugh. Laugh hard. And I can guarantee you that our husband's ears were burning some. Surely we wouldn't talk about our beloveds? And do you want to know one of the best parts about hanging out with your neighbors? That would be the simple walk home after a night out. There's a deputy who lives in the neighborhood now. I really don't want to be pulled over for a DUI on my pink bike though.

3. Soccer is in full swing. Steven is coaching. Our friend (and neighbor, ha) Mike, is the assistant. This picture makes me laugh. Such a shrimp!

Little Bit, hates it. One practice she spent 1o minutes chasing a butterfly across 3 fields. Last week, she spent 1/4 of the practice with a soccer ball under her shirt pretending like she was pregnant. Our first game, she scored for the other team. During Saturday's game she ran around the field like this:

Steven came off the field yelling because she looked like Bevis doing Cornholio! I'm actually getting into it. I love standing on the sidelines screaming. And our team (aside from Little Bit) is pretty kick ass. Hubby got ticked off last week when another coach came over and said, "we have an all boys team, so if it gets a little out of hand we can change it up since we've been dominating." My nice hubby just smiled and said, "I think we can handle it." Here's exactly what I would have like to have said, after the game, "screw you dude our girls (aside from Little Bit) kicked the SHIT out of your boys. And our boys rock too!" Seriously, who says that?

4. We started gymnastics again too. And call me crazy, nuts, psycho, insane, but I'm going to do an adult tumbling class tomorrow night with a friend. I may end up in a body cast and traction!

5. I've noticed that I hardly ever watch TV anymore. Now that Lost is over I don't even have "a show" that I must watch every week. I find myself reading a lot. I'm finishing up the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy. Fished up the final book of the Hunger Games. Now I'm going to need something else to read. I highly recommend Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. Awesome book despite the feet binding.

6. Halloween is just around the corner! A sneak peek:

7. This past weekend we visited my grandparents and took a little trip into their attic. As my 81 year old grandmother chucked stuff animals down from the attack we also found my Barbie Cottage. A scrub down and she's as good as new! Retro toys = AWESOME!

8. Speaking of toys, I have absolutely, positively NO CLUE what to get Sophie for Xmas. Last year was easy, Barbie Jeep. This year, i've got nothing on the "list" but an Easy Bake Oven. I've considered a DS but she has shown ZERO interest in any type of video game. I've considering the American Girl Bitty Baby. But that's a slippery slope. I don't want expensive American Girl stuff taking over. On the other hand, I don't want to buy an expensive baby doll that gets treated like crap. I always like the idea of Santa bringing something on the "big" side but for the life of me I can't think of a single thing.

9. Miss Gracie Beth is now a big sister. Cooper Michael was born on 9/13/10. Right after he was born, Soph would ask everyday if she could have a little brother or sister. Sorry kid, not in the cards. On Sunday we went for a visit. And she didn't even asking to hold him. Totally shocked me! I will apologize to you now Cooper for all of the crap Gracie and Sophie will put you through. I'm sure you'll make a beautiful princess all dressed up by those two.

10. I'm embarrassed to say how long it has been since I've had a hair cut. And I can't even remember the last time I took Sophie for a hair cut. Both of us are in desperate need of some style in the hair department!

First 'Eers Game!

She lasted through 3 1/2 hours of tailgating and made it to the beginning of the 4th quarter. On the way home, after spending $22 on food and $8 on a giant foam #1 finger she announced, "I'm NEVER going back to a football game, there were 100 people there and they were loud, and it's too far away!"Normally we would have stayed with Steven's parents who live only 20 minutes away so we wouldn't have had such a long drive back. But we had to get back to miss stella.

Considering I was certain that we would be hightailing it out of Motown by half time I think her first mountaineer game was a success. But I'll let her keep her word on not going back anytime soon, mommy and daddy have a little more fun without her at football games. Sorry kid, but sometimes the truth hurts.

Here is our day in pictures.

The Fam. Thanks Allison for the pic!

My friend Wendy said that this could be any young african american man in the US. Oh but it isn't my friend. This is NOT just some random dude with his hat turned sideways. This would be the Da'Sean Butler. And i spotted him first. Go me.

See the Pride for the first time!

Great seats!

This series is called "hand sophie the camera to keep her entertained."

Busting mama sneaking off to chow down!

Lets Go MOUNTAINEERS!